Having controlling behavior can be destructive your relationship and having a passive-aggressive behavior as well. People who are passive-aggressive attempts to get their needs met in some destructive ways. When they talk about something especially with their true feelings, Bioelectric impedance they would say about one thing but it is different to what they really feel inside just so they could get back to the other person.
There are some examples of a passive-aggressive like when a wife tell her husband that she is okay if her husband spend the day golfing with his friends. And then she would do something to get him back because she is not happy about it. It would be something like "accidentally" putting a red shirt with his white underwear as the wife do the laundry. This can be destructive to the marriage and it defeats the goal on how you can save a marriage.
What are you bringing to the relationship?
You can save your relationship then you can sit down and do a list of what you can contribute to the relationship. This list is not about physical things such as making money for your mortgage or cleaning houses or doing the grocery shopping.
Instead you make a list on how you are contributing to the relationship on making it good or bad. Are you always noticing everything about your spouse? Do you show you appreciation to your spouse for the things that your spouse did for you? Are you supportive to your spouse decision? Do you listen to your spouse when your spouse talk about the problems that is bothering them? Are you loving and affectionate towards your spouse?
Do You Compromise to Meet Both Of Your Needs?
Do you tend to be a little bossy and demanding in your marriage? Does your spouse get a change to express their own needs and wants without the fear of being judged? You have to keep in mind that a successful marriage is when two people feel successful themselves. Tell me, do you think you or your spouse feels successful and content in their lives when they don't get to make their own decisions or put input on an important matter? How successful do you think you'd feel if your own needs and desires are not being met, especially because someone who you truly care about?
Always remember that a marriage is about a partnership of two people and not about dictatorship where only one person makes the decisions. When you control your spouse it can fosters resentment. Your spouse is an individual that has different likes and needs that will not always be the same with you. You need to learn how to comprise in your marriage. If your honor and respect your spouse's feelings, wants and needs, it can make your marriage stronger and long lasting.
If you feel your marriage is suffering, keep in mind that part of it is your responsibility. Marriage is a two way street. If you feel your needs aren't being met which resorts to constant discontentment, it is your responsibility to communicating your needs. If you feel your spouse doesn't help around the house but you don't say anything without starting a fight, you should reconsider changing your approach. Marriage will take work and effort, it's a process of trial and error.
Got other marriage related issues? If so, you should definitely check out Save A Marriage and Marriage Sherpa.
Sarah J. Scott is a relationship expert and has worked with many couples on how to sustain a lasting and meaningful relationship for many years. Sarah lives in San Francisco and enjoys spending time with her husband and dog.
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